 Witty
Christmas One-liners
What did
Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve ! How do you
make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell
him a joke on Christmas Eve ! What do you
have in December that you don't have in any other month ?
The letter "D" !What does
Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?
Santa
Claustrophobia ! What do you
call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !Who
delievers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa
Paws ! Why does
Father Christmas go down the chimney ?
Because it soots him ! Who
delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus ! How many
chimney does Father Christmas go down ?
Stacks !Why is Santa
like a bear on Christmas Eve ?
Because
he's Sooty ! Q: Why is
Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the
credit.
Father
Christmas Jokes
What do you
get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective ?
Santa Clues !Father
Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
Now
thats what you call pot luck ! What do the
reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday ?
Freeze a jolly good fellow !What do you
call a man who claps at Christmas ?
Santapplause
! Twinkle
Twinkle chocolate bar
Santa drives a rusty car
Press the starter
Press the choke
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke !What
does Father Christmas call his money ?
Iced lolly ?
What's
Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering
presents ?
Santa
pause !
Party Jokes
What
did the guest sing at the Eskimo's Christmas party ?
Freeze a jolly fellow !What
party game did Jekyll like best
?
Hyde
and Seek ! Did
you hear about the man who went to the fancy dress party as a bone ?
A dog ate him in the hall !What
would you do if you saw Dracula, Frankenstein & The Swamp Thing
?
Hope
they were going as a fancy dress party ! Why
couldn't the butterfly go to the Chistmas ball ?
It was a moth ball !How
did the chickens dance at the Christmas party ?
Chick
to chick ! Did
you hear about Dracula's Christmas party ?
It was a scream !Did
you hear about the party with lots of fireworks, balloons &
crackers ?
It went with a bang ! What
did Dracula say at the Christmas party ?
Fancy a bite ?Why
couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party ?
He
had no body to go with !
Top 10 signs you bought a bad christmas
tree:
10. Two feet tall, forty feet wide
9. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?"
8. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers
stuck into it
7. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a
joy ride
6. Each branch has "Duraflame" printed on it
5. Keeps heckling while you try to do a lame top ten list
4. It's very small and says "Air Freshener" on it
3. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours
2. Some guy named Mujibur puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it
1. Constantly bragging about its "trunk size"
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