These one liners are only meant to
add more smiles, chuckles and guffaws to your celebrations. They are not meant
to hurt anyone's sentiments and we request you to take them in the true spirit
of the famous American humor. Enjoy!!!
What is the most common
educational degree in New Mexico?
Kindergarten dropout.
Why do New Mexicans drink less
Kool-Aid than folks in other states?
Because they have such a hard time getting two quarts of water into that little
envelope.
How do you recognize a Virginian
staying in a fancy hotel?
He's the one trying to slam the revolving door.
Did you hear about the Baton Rouge
bride who cancelled the wedding
when she heard her friends
were planning to give her a shower?
A Bangor resident went to the
airport and asked for a roundtrip ticket.
The ticket agent asked, "Where to?"
The Mainer said, "Well, back here, of course."
Why is Otto the most common name
in Minnesota?
There's only two letters to remember.
How did the Cleveland cop lose his
contact lens?
The putty fell out of his eye!
Did you hear about the Georgia
accountant who absconded with all the accounts payable?
A Toledo man was admitted to the
city hospital last night with severe burns after dunking for French fries at a
Halloween party.
"They caught Hughie last
night burglarizin' a house in Birmingham 'cause he broke two windows."
"Why'd he do that?"
"One to get in, and one to get out."
What can most Alabama kids do by
the age of twelve?
Wave bye-bye.
How can you tell when a North
Dakotan has class?
When the words on his tattoo are spelled correctly.
Did you hear about the Omaha
mother who got tired of putting name tags on her son's shirts, so she had his
name legally changed to
"Machine Washable"?
Did you hear about the New Yorker
who was killed in a pie-eating contest?
The cow sat on him.
What's considered a major cultural
event with social significance in Idaho?
A black-and-white Road Runner cartoon.
"How come you're only
watering half your lawn?" a perplexed tourist asked a Richmond resident.
"I just heard there was a fifty percent chance of rain."
What's considered a solid hour's
reading in Iowa?
The back of a cereal box.
A North Dakota farmer was visiting
Las Vegas. He had no money to gamble, so he watched the games and bet mentally.
In no time at all, he'd lost his mind.
Did you hear about the Texan who
moved to Oklahoma and raised the IQ level of both states?
How many South Dakotans does it
take to go ice fishing?
Four. One to cut the hole in the ice, and three to push the boat through.
A woman walked into a South
Carolina country store and said, "Do you keep brown sugar?"
"No, ma'am," replied the owner. "When it gets dirty we throw it
away."
Iowa girl:
Daddy, I'm pregnant. Father: Are you sure it's yours?
Why don't Nebraskans throw dinner
parties? They can't remember
how to spell R.S.V.P.
What do they call anybody with an
IQ of ninety in Louisiana?
Governor.
What's a henpecked Georgia
husband?
A guy who doesn't know how to tell his pregnant wife he's sterile.
What do Mississippi mothers write
on the labels of their kids' clothes?
"Shirt . . . Pants . . . Dress . . ."
Did you hear about the Montana
moron who went looking for a gas leak with a safety match?
What are the rules of the famous
Virginia Beach guessing game?
One player leaves the room, and the others have to guess which one of them has
left.
Why did the Minnesotan buy only
one snow boot for winter?
He'd heard there was going to be only one foot of snow.
What are the worst five years in
the life of a West Virginian?
Third grade.
What's the difference between a
Kansan and Yogurt?
Yogurt has culture.
Did you hear about the
Murfreesboro muddlebrain whose father told him about the birds and the bees?
The next day, the Tennessean was stung by a bee and thought he was pregnant.
Why do folks from Arkansas find it
so hard to read?
Because they never learned to move their lips right.
How do Alaska CB radio operators
say "10-4"?
"5-5-2-2."
What's the only thing thicker than
a Kansan's sideburns? What's
between them.
Treadwell walked into a Biloxi
stationery store and asked, "Have you got any invisible ink?"
"Certainly sir," said the owner. "What color?"
What's the most popular TV show in
Billings?
"90 Minutes" they have to slow it down so people can follow it.
Did you ever see a country boy in
New York whistle for a cab?
He puts two fingers in his mouth and hollers, "Taxi!"
What's the first lesson a Staten
Island teenager learns at driving school?
How to open a locked car with a coat hanger.
What does a Wisconsinite call his
pet zebra? "Spot."
What do you call a Georgian who
works for the U.S. Forest Service?
An overachiever.
What do you get when you cross a
flower with a Montana civil service worker?
A blooming idiot.
What's the easiest job in Florida?
Intelligence officer in the Florida National Guard.
Did you hear about the Brooklyn
bubble brain who was two hours late for work because the escalator got stuck?
