PURIM
JOKES
A good laugh is always
good for mind and the soul, and more so, if it happens
to be in tune with the ongoing festival. We have a small
collection of Purim jokes below. We hope that you will
like them. Please
forward this site to your friends, for jokes are for
sharing! Also note that these are just jokes, not be
taken seriously. Enjoy !
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[1]
It's winter in Russia and the people are hungry. The
town council announces that meat will be arriving so all
everyone gets on line to wait for the meat. After an
hour of waiting in the snow and the freezing cold, the
town council announces that there will be less meat
coming then expected, all Jews go home. So, all the Jews
leave the line. Another hour goes by and, again, the
town council announces there will be less than expected
food arriving, all non-communists go home. All the
non-communists leave the line. Another hour, and the
town council announces there will be no food arriving,
everybody go home. As one man trudges home through the
snow, he turns to his friend and says "you see, the
Jews always get to go home first!"
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[2]
Four Jewish ladies are playing a game of cards in Miami
Beach. The first lady sighs and says, "Oy..."
The second lady nods, sighs, and says, "Oy vey!"
The third lady says, "Oy veys meer!" The
fourth lady chimes in: "Enough talk about the
children already. Let's get back to the game."
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[3]
A man is having a problem with his son and goes to see
his rabbi. "I sent him to Hebrew School and gave
him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah," says the man,
"and now he tells me he's decided to be a
Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"
"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi.
"I also brought my boy up in the faith and gave him
a fancy Bar Mitzvah. Then one day he, too, tells me he's
decided to become a Christian." "So what did
you do?" asked the man. "I turned to God for
the answer" replied the Rabbi. "And what did
he say?" pressed the man. "God said, 'Funny
you should come to me...' "
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[4]
A rabbi who's been leading a congregation for many years
is upset by the fact that he's never been able to eat
pork. So he devises a plan whereby he flies to a remote
tropical island and checks into a hotel. He immediately
gets himself a table at the finest restaurant and orders
the most expensive pork dish on the menu. As he's
eagerly waiting for it to be served, he hears his name
called from across the restaurant. He looks up to see 10
of his loyal congregants approaching. His luck, they'd
chosen the same time to visit the same remote location!
Just at that moment, the waiter comes out with a huge
silver tray carrying a whole roasted pig with an apple
in its mouth. The rabbi looks up sheepishly at his
congregants and says, "Wow - you order an apple in
this place and look how it's served!"
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[5]
The rabbi was an avid golfer and played at every
opportunity. He was so addicted to the game that if he
didn't play he would get withdrawal symptoms. One Yom
Kippur, the rabbi thought to himself, "What's it
going to hurt if I go out during the recess and play a
few rounds. Nobody will be the wiser and I'll be back in
time for services." Sure enough, at the conclusion
of the morning service, the rabbi snuck out of the
synagogue and headed straight for the golf course.
Looking down upon the scene were Moses and G-d. Moses
said, "Look how terrible a Jew on Yom Kippur. And a
rabbi besides!" G-d replied, "Watch, I'm going
to teach him a lesson." Out on the course, the
rabbi stepped up to the first tee. When he hit the ball,
it careened of a tree, struck a rock, skipped across a
pond and landed in the hole for a HOLE IN ONE! Seeing
all this, Moses protested: "G-d, this is how you're
going to teach him a lesson? He got a hole in one!"
"Sure", said G-d, "but who's he going to
tell?" |
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